Jim and I were outside cleaning out the cars today and it made me think how different my life would be without him.  We do everything together and life without him would be so incredibly lonely.  It then led me to think just how dependent I have become on him and that maybe at times I take him for granted.  It's not something that I would consciously do but I have gotten used to our life, and at times I have gotten comfortable.  I want to live each day like it may be our last.  I appreciate what we have and want to express it. I want Jim to know how blessed I feel that God chose to heal him and has given us more time together.  I challenge you to live each day like it is your last and tell the people that mean the most to you how much you love and appreciate them.  Do not leave your life to chance......

This blog has been a part of my daily routine for the last 4 weeks.  Hard to believe the assignment is over.  I am going to keep it up and running for awhile as I process the things that Jim and I have learned.  Many of you have commented about your experiences with cancer or those close to you and how you are carving out your "new normal".  My instructor spoke of others who have had life threatening illnesses and how they too have had to create a new normal and change their lives.  What have you struggled with along life's journey?  I recently had a bad car accident that left me feeling bare.  I am paranoid when I get on the expressway.  I wonder at times if I am experiencing some PTSD.  I have had to re-adjust my thinking when I get behind the wheel. 

Share your experiences today.....

This is my 20th post to my blog and the last one required for class.  I am planning on keeping it going for awhile because it has been good for Jim and I.  Thank you to everyone who spent time reading and posting.  It has been a huge source of encouragement to us.

As I look back over the last twenty postings I am amazed at the information that I gathered and posted.  It is truly amazing the resources that are out there for care and support.  Cancer diagnosis can be a frightening time.  Jim and I experienced a lot of emotions during his diagnosis, treatment and beginning our "new normal".  Without the care and support of family, friends and medical staff that loved on us, things could have been a lot different.  Know that you never have to walk this road alone.  There are people that will love and support you if you let your needs be known. 

Since Jim has completed chemotherapy we are well on our way to carving out our "new normal". Every day we are continually looking for ways to care and support others.  Jim has been able to reach out to those that are walking the road that he has walked.  I have been able to love on many people that are experiencing what we have endured.  I believe that God allows things to happen to us for a reason.  I thank Him every day for healing my husband.  Each day is truly a gift and I pray for opportunities to be there for others and to be a blessing.

Look for more postings in the future and thank you for walking this journey with us!

Pets provide us with more than unconditional love.  Research has shown they can also help patients to heal.  Pets were first used in mental health facilities in the 1700's.  The Red Cross used pets as therapeutic partners during World War II in military convalescent care and are still being used today as part of therapy to provide healing.  Anyone who has experienced a connection with a pet understands the value of the companionship that a pet can bring into someone's life (www.animalhealthfoundation.net).

According to the Humane Society Animal-Assisted Therapy has shown to help children and adults alike who may be receiving chemotherapy or other medical treatments cope with their current illness.  Since the beginning of time humans and animals have shared a unique bond.  Animals provide a source of well-being to those who are undergoing physical or emotional pain.  Patients that are diagnosed with cancer not only go through physical pain but also experience psycho-social issues that may include feelings of isolation and fear.  Research has shown that animal assisted therapy has helped patients cope and heal (americanhumane.org).

In a 10 week study that was conducted in 1984 using terminal cancer patients, research revealed that patients who spent 90 minutes per week with a visiting dog showed an increase in the production of endorphins, a chemical that decreases the pain response.  Pt. revealed in a survey that petting and spending time with the dogs decreased anxiety and despair (www.mesothelioma.com)

We have two cats.  My husband has said many time that when he was in pain or couldn't sleep the cats would come and sit with him for long periods of time and had a calming presence for him.  Our cat Harley seemed to know when he wasn't feeling well and would not leave his side.  The animals that we love are indeed a part of the family and provide a sense of calm and comfort when needed.

Your last treatment is over.  You have doctor's appt set up for 3 months and 6 months.....what now?

It is important to find other cancer survivors that you can relate to.  Someone that has walked a mile in your shoes.

Here are some groups that you can get in contact with to find support in your area:

American Cancer Society
Toll-free 1-800-227-2345
http://www.cancer.org/

• They are available 24 hours/day, 7 days a week

Gilda's club Worldwide
1-888-445-3248
http://www.gildaclub.org/

• This organization provides free social and emotional support to men and women with cancer along with family and friends

Planet Cancer
1-512-452-9010
http://www.planetcancer.org/

• This is on online resource of young adult cancer survivors who share experiences with others

The Wellness Community
1-800-793-9355
http://www.thewellnesscommunity.org/

• This group provides free support locally and online for cancer survivors

Tina Turner has said in the past, "What's love got to do with it?'  Cancer survivors have contemplated, "What does sexuality got to do with it?".  After treatment is over and your "new normal" begins to emerge what does one's sexuality look like. Some may say that cancer treatment had no effect on their sexuality.  There are those who have had breast cancer or oral cancer that parts of their body were removed that say treatment completely changed the way they viewed their sexuality. 

Sexuality, or sex means different things to different people.  It is highly personal and shapes who we are: male and female, our feelings of intimacy and pleasure and how our bodies work.  Women who have had breast cancer that have had to have a mastectomy sometimes feel that they have lost "everything that makes me a woman."  Men on the other hand may not be as vocal but they are concerned with the ability to resume normal sexual relations with their spouses. 

It is very crucial that you achieve comfort first with your own sexuality and then that of your partner.  Open communication is a must.  Arm yourself with knowledge.   Talk with your doctor about concerns you may have and options that you may have to make your intimacy what you want it to be.  Real life after cancer can be even more meaningful than you envisioned it to be.  It's safe to be vulnerable to your loved one to create the intimacy that you crave.

Wilmoth, M., C. Life after cancer:  What does sexuality have to do with it? Oncology Nursing
      Forum (5)33, 905-908.

Like Mandy I watched my husband suffer through cancer. I remember the day Jim was diagnosed like yesterday. I got him settled in the recliner and then I went up to our bedroom, locked myself in the closet and cried. I felt like my heart was breaking in two! Our future flashed before my eyes and I was scared. I knew I had to be strong for Jim and the kids. This was my time to cry out to the Lord. I prayed that if God chose not to heal Jim that He would take him swiftly because I did not want him to suffer. I prayed that God would carry our kids and that I would be sensitive to what they needed. I prayed for myself that I would be bold. I did not want any regrets. I wanted Jim to feel so loved and cherished always from me. God answered my prayers. I left the closest that day with such a calm, knowing that God was and would carry me. From that moment on Jim and I decided that no matter what we would see the positive in each day. We began to voice our blessing for each day on our Carrying Bridge page. When some days got real tough it was the "blessing of the day" that got us through. Our friends and family held us up through prayer and we felt covered by God's provision for us each day. It's through the hard times that your character is refined. Jim from the beginning said "God is good no matter if I am healed or not." I praise God everyday for His healing! Jim got to walk our beautiful daughter down the isle. Each day is a gift and we have learned to live each day to the fullest without regret. I don't know what I future holds but I do know who holds our tomorrow. Amy